Papa said, “If I can’t have it you will have it”…Bamboo Town GONE GOLD!


Renward Wells - Bamboo Town

Nassau, Bahamas — The hand of a desperate draftsman is gripping the knife outside the room of the Boundaries Commission, and if you look closer at the chart now being drawn for the electorate, Hubert Ingraham is past desperate.

As we reported yesterday, Clifton, Kennedy and Eight Mile Rock constituencies are all axed from the political tree. We can tell you, Vernae ‘Da Village Idiot’ Grant, is hyperventilating and sources close to the chamber of the FNM tell us, Kenneth ‘Da Uncircumcised Philistine’ Russell, is mad with Papa.

Now you don’t have to believe what we write, nor read this breaking report, but from what we see now before us, the old biblical saying, “Death is swallowed up in Victory”, best describes what is unfolding, with victory now in the grasp of the PLP.

For our report this morning Bahamas Press will exclusively present one critical seat which, according to the new map, has drastically changed the political landscape as we know it.

If what is shown to us is indeed correct, and we have no reason disbelieve the veracity of our sources, the FNM/DNA leader Branville McCartney should pack his bags now and head to North Abaco to join BP on a fact finding mission in the Prime Minister’s constituency.

What we are now reading should be LUNACY in the mind of McCartney; a fireball of confusion, mumbo, jumbo and gumbo against the people of Bamboo Town all now being orchestrated by Papa.

Again, facts shown to us reveal, Bamboo Town is virtually out of whack, virtually no more FNM/DNA and virtually has been delivered to PLP political newcomer, Renward Wells, on a Golden platter. [WE SHALL NOT COMPLAIN!]

The FNM’s bad, wutless, shameful and shameless six-foot tall Kennedy MP sat and watched Papa axed Kennedy off the political map.

Bamboo Town will now compose of 4,317 registered voters. We can tell you the constituency will now move east into a huge section of Kennedy taking 6 polling divisions of the collapsed constituency. Now get this.

Let’s repeat it for slow readers, Residents once living in Kennedy will now be in Bamboo Town should the name remain the same. We can confirm polling divisions 1, 2, 5, 6, 7 and 12 of Kennedy shall now become apart of Bamboo Town.

Some 9 polling stations of the present Bamboo Town shall remain. Polling divisions numbers 1,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 12 will remain in the seat. Therefore, Bamboo Town will encompass 15 polling stations at the next general elections.

Observers tell us the decision to gerrymander the seat will send mass confusion in the Parliamentary Commissioner’s office, which will have to reassign voters and issue voter’s card. One Kennedy constituent told BP, “You mean Papa ga send us now in Bamboo Town? Why he isn’t running that 6-foot-plus tall bad candidate in here so we could show them what a lowlife they are?”

Some 136,000 residents have registered nationally thus far for the general elections. The new map notes 23 in New Providence, 5 in Grand Bahama, and 10 in the remaining Family Islands. The report identifies only numbers on constituencies, with names to be added soon.

Stay Tuned! More is to come…we report yinner decide!


  1. i don’t know what worst papa looks or he ways! clearly he out to get ‘bran’ boy bran if papa do u half as bad as he do we da bahamians people ya r’s is grass!!

  2. Well its time for Bran to put up or shut up. Go in North Abaco and retire the “old man” or simply shut the hell up and try win his constituency if he like the other fools believe the majority of Bahamaians are on their bandwagon!!! (Boundaries dont vote people do)

    • I agree,we ain’t ready for the “Do Not Answer” (DNA) party. I read the FNM rag paper today and they are suggesting thar both the PLP and FNM feel that Mortimer will win Seabreeze… are they thinking? The seabreeze folks better check his closet…you’ll be surprise at what you will find! God made Adam & Eve….go figger!!

  3. So… there you have it. Music in the making by Papa Smurf and his gang of other blue smurfs. Instead of running this country, they are hard at creating ways to run this little Nassau (little Haiti) into even more confusion.

    So… Branville M has hit the heart and nerve of these FNM and PLP minions who are now scrambling to secure seats and block others. Typical of black governments.

    So… Now BP has exposed the playbook filled with defense and offence to counter the Hon. Bran M. in the Bamboo Town area. Papa was onto something in the house when he made that subliminal statement, “If I can’t have it, you will have it”. Now we know how he plans on attempting to make Bran a seatless wonder.

    This is my new quote on the site going forward,

    “Politics… Laugh Hard” – Nassau Gone Funky Eh?

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